Pet Defense Pro

The world's first Defense Attorney for pets accused of "Bad Boy" crimes.

"INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY"

LIMIT: 3 PRO-BONE-O AUDITS PER USER

The Charge

The defendant — one Golden Retriever, age 4, alias "Biscuit" — stands accused of the willful and premeditated destruction of one left Nike Air Force 1, valued at approximately $55 (after depreciation and suspicious stains).

The Defense

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I direct your attention to Exhibit A: this shoe was left — UNATTENDED — on the floor. Not on a shelf. Not in a closet. On. The. Floor. In what jurisdiction is that not entrapment? My client saw an object at ground level, smelling of feet and adventure, and did what any reasonable retriever would do: retrieved it.

Furthermore, I present the defendant's face. Look at those eyes. That is not the face of a criminal. That is the face of an employee who was never given a job description. You left a chew-shaped object in a chew-accessible zone and expected what, exactly? Restraint? From a retriever? The prosecution rests on a foundation of human negligence.

The Verdict

INNOCENT ON ALL CHARGES. The court orders immediate reparations: one premium bully stick, belly rubs of no less than four minutes' duration, and a formal apology from the prosecution for leaving footwear in a ground-level threat zone. I rest my case.

Your defense arrives in ~60 seconds. Upload the evidence below ↓